What not to do

I’d rather focus on what to do rather than what not to do, but some people are guided better with boundaries, so here are 3 things to avoid:

Avoid messages. Don’t try to send a message with your gift unless it’s a positive one. Don’t buy mints for someone who smokes. Don’t buy home decorating books for your backpacking daughter. Don’t buy skimpy lingerie for the woman you’ve dated twice. Don’t buy Cooking For Dummies for a bad cook (unless they ask for it!).

Avoid wishful thinking. Don’t give gifts for the person you wish they were. Don’t buy floral scarves for your punk cousin. Don’t buy gym passes for the person who doesn’t exercise. Don’t buy whiskey for the rum drinker. Accept the person for who they are.

Avoid self-absorption. Don’t give gifts which only you would like to receive. Don’t buy your friend your favourite perfume just because she complimented it. Don’t buy your father those shirts you like just because he approved of them. Don’t book a suite in a hotel when your husband prefers camping. I know someone who breaks this rule every time, but he has exceptional taste so he kind of gets away with it.  There is someone in my life who does this every single time, despite our tastes being at opposite extremes.  However, the upshots are that the local charity stores get some lovely new stuff, and I always know what to get her next time!