What You Need

 “A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.”

-Seneca

You tried. You really did. Your intention was to buy something, wrap it and give it within a very tight timeframe. Bless you, you did try to put some thought into it, and you did give of the time and money you had, and the receiver knows that; we’re all in the same boat! But, the end result was a bit of a let-down and you feel you could have done better.

I’m not going to give you the Top 20 Rules of Gift Giving, because no-one can keep that many rules in their heads and negotiate the psychological warzone that is the modern retail space at the same time.

I’m not going to tell you what to buy. Everyone’s different. You’re different.

I’m not going to cover every gift-giving scenario. I don’t know that it’s possible! Even different cultures, even different families, do gifts differently, with different expectations. 

Instead, here's just 3 things you need:

1. A head start. Sometimes these things creep up on us, or surprise us, but if you can get a few weeks’ head start, you’ll find this whole thing easier.  And this can include shipping/sourcing time, not thinking time, so most of this time might doing nothing, just smugly sitting back knowing you’ve nailed it. Make it easy for yourself!

2. A perspective: Understand the actual relationship between you and the receiver (this can be a minefield!).

3. A detail: Know something about the receiver. And for the record, gender doesn’t really count as “something”.

The head start thing is just about giving you enough time so you don't find yourself trapped in the Crystals and Dragons Gift Shoppe five minutes before everything closes needing to get a gift for your grandfather's 90th birthday.  

Mark the date in the calendar on the date and a few weeks or a month before the date, as long as you think you'll need. Put the reminder in your phone or Outlook calendar, whatever you use, for a few weeks before.

That way, it'll be in your mind longer, and you might just spot that perfect thing on your way home from work, just out of the blue. Or, you'll have time to perfect that decorated cake you wanted to make. Or, have time to book that weekend in the country. More time means more opportunity and more thought.

The perspective thing can be trickier. We can always misread relationships, for all sorts of reasons. Wishful thinking is a major hazard here. For example, if you want the relationship with your gorgeous colleague to be more than just work, do not buy her red roses for her work birthday morning tea. It will be awkward at best. (Just talk to her first, maybe? And go read this blog: http://tinyletter.com/EasyRomance). If you wish that your husband would spend less time in the kitchen and more time being a handyman around the house, don't buy him a set of tools. Your gift should be to the person they are, not who you want them to be.

The main thing is to keep it simple: try not to over-read and over-complicate it. We're trying to make this easy, after all. 

The person is your colleague? Keep it professional. The person is in your close group of friends? Keep it within the bounds of what you'd normally do in your group. If the person is both, use the closest relationship as your point of perspective. The closer to you, and the more intimate your relationship is, the more you should probably know more about them, and your gift should be more personal.

Which brings us to thing #3: a detail. This will help focus your search and help ensure your gift is used and appreciated. If the intended recipient comes straight out and says to you that they'd love another silver bracelet to add to their collection, then - brilliant! - your work is done. More often than not, however, you're not going to get such clear direction. Notwithstanding tricky family relationships, generally the closer your relationship, the more direct you can be about asking. So, ask!

The details could be something about what they like to do, their home life, their sense of style, their health, their current plans for life or travel, anything.  He could like camping (a folding multi-tool or some home-made energy snacks wouldn't go astray). She likes fashion and designer clothes (a glossy book fashion would be good). He lives in a very small city apartment (an art print to hang on the wall might brighten his living area without taking up space). Your sister has six kids and loves classical music (tickets to a concert or recital, and babysit your nieces and nephews!).

Focus on the person, not on the gift. 

If you focus on the gift, you might end up giving something which you would like to receive, but your friend might not.

Notwithstanding tricky family relationships, generally the closer your relationship, the more direct you can be about asking what it is they might like, or need. So, ask!

Grace: A Memoir

  

Leatherman Wingman Box